Personal Reflections & What's Next

A number of friends have asked me some great questions since I came back from my trip. "Based on your experiences, are you now more optimistic about the world or less? Were the people really that different than here? Did the amount of poverty you saw effect you in any way? Has anything about your trip changed your perspective of yourself or the world around you? And, if so, how will that impact what you do next?"

I thought I’d take a few moments to answer some of their questions and add some personal observations along the way.

As most people know, I quit my job at Yahoo! last year in order to take some time to travel through Latin America. I’ve been calling it a sabbatical since my objective was not to escape reality, but to go through a deeper process of self discovery. I felt that spending time away from my daily routine, and, in particular, putting myself in a completely different environment, would reveal interests, dreams, and even fears that were a little more difficult to recognize in the regular course of my life. It’s that “space” away that I felt would help me see the thought patterns preventing me from trying new things and maybe even experiencing a greater sense of fulfillment.

That said, I purposefully created a set of experiences on my trip that pushed me beyond my comfort zones. You can read about some of them on my travel blog starting with my trip to Guatemala. Some experiences left a deep impression immediately. Others were more of a slow burn. And others would happen in the quiet moments when I least expected. Below are some personal reflections about my trip and a few thoughts on how they’re impacting what I do next.


Confronting my pre-conceptions

I heard that phrase constantly before I left. I knew I had them, but how strong, or even how deeply seeded were they? How would they impact the way I related to people who were completely different than myself? Would I fear being in certain neighborhoods or being around certain people? And was that fear justified (because I really was threatened in some way) or was it created by my own pre-conceptions and really just preventing me from having a good time?

My first experience dealing with these questions occurred in Guatemala, the first stop of my six month trip. I had heard so many things about Guatemala before I left -- there were massive hurricanes during the time of my visit, the crime rate was sky-rocketing, and the Presidential elections (which occurred in the Fall of ’07) were creating significant enough tensions that many people in both parties were being assassinated. What limited news coverage I read about the country had already created a perception in my mind that it would be like “landing in Bosnia under sniper fire."

So, I checked out the online travel forums to get some perspectives from the people who were actually traveling or living there. And, of course, their perspectives were much different than those on the news. No surprise there. Most people on the forums said that, in large part, Guatemala was very peaceful, and they simply recommended areas of the cities to avoid or particular precautions to take. Basically, act and be like any smart traveler. All very encouraging words. Of course, the closer I got to my departure date, the more influenced I was by all of the noise in the news. And my fears were only intensified. Why in the heck did I choose it in the first place? I must be out of my mind! But that little voice in me (not the one that creates the endless cycles of worry. The opposite of that one.) said I’d regret it if I didn’t go. Luckily my calmer self prevailed.

When I arrived in Guatemala I took a taxi to Antigua, a city about an hour away from the capital, and I was dropped off at my host family’s house. I had asked the Spanish language school I was in to place me with a family and knew that the conditions would be very basic relative to my place back home. All this I knew intellectually. But still it was interesting for me to step back and watch my initial reactions when I arrived, and I saw where I would be staying. For me the living conditions didn’t bother me. In fact, I liked those experiences and sometimes would even seek them out when traveling abroad. What I noticed instead were my thoughts about safety. All of those images and stories in the news made me feel that Guatemala at every turn would be unsafe. And I immediately connected the image of a relatively basic looking house in a poor to middle class neighborhood, to be unsafe. I had traveled quite a bit previously but still maintained these fears, even if I wasn’t always conscious of how they manifested themselves. Would I ever get over them?

It took me a week to really settle in and feel more comfortable. And ever so slowly my perspective changed, in large part, due to the people and the families I had met during that first week. The people who would give me a simple nod hello as I’d walk to school, or the store clerk who would be patient enough to have a conversation with me in my limited Spanish, or even just talking to my host family about their lives. In fact, the more deeply I got to know the people there (and really listen deeply), the more I was able to see beyond the physical facades of the neighborhood and recognize the same basic fears and hopes that all people have.

By no means did I perfect this, but as I continued to “stand outside of myself” and observe my own pre-conceptions, the more ridiculous they seemed and the more my fears subsided. Now, all this certainly didn’t mean letting my guard down and walking down questionable streets alone or with a camera around my neck. That’s the last thing I’d want to do when traveling. I was still very much aware of my surroundings. But the pre-judging of an entire neighborhood, or street, or household was slowly lifted. And because of that, I allowed myself to develop much deeper friendships with the people there (and in other countries later) than I would have otherwise. And quite frankly, it just allowed me to have a good time and not concern myself with false worries.

Guatemala made it possible for me to see and experience my surroundings in future countries with a slightly different lens. And it’s my belief that because I was so much more open after my experience in Guatemala, I ended up meeting some extraordinary people along the rest of my trip. And, in the end, it was really the people who made my trip worth it. The check-list of places to see, although still important to me, became secondary. It was the deeper interactions with others that helped me to see more deeply into myself. These are just a few of the many great people I met along my travels. For more you can check out my flickr photos or my overall travel summary.





I certainly had a ton of opportunities along the way to observe different cultures. Another such opportunity occurred in the Amazon Jungle in Peru, my final stop before I would head back to the U.S. My friends Jason, Joanna and I spent four days in a jungle lodge along the Amazon River, and every day we went out with a guide to explore the wildlife in the surrounding rivers and lakes. We’d often come across local villages along the way and observe the relatively modest conditions of the people. Everywhere I went I’d always wonder how people felt about their lives, their living conditions, etc… Even though I’d see things that were so different than my experiences back home -- houses with no walls, school houses that looked pretty flimsy (could the kids study under those conditions?), and a few other stories that are best not shared in case you’re eating right now – how did people feel about this?

On our last day trip along the river, our guide was talking about life in one of the villages. A village very close to where he grew up. He told us a few stories as we were passing by and then there was silence. He stared out at the village with a smile and said, “They don’t have a lot, but believe me, they’re really happy people.” It was such a simple statement that I could have easily dismissed it. I had heard people say that before. But when I looked at his smile and the smiles and laughter of the kids in the village, the significance of the words really hit me. I had observed those same expressions my entire trip from young and old alike. But particularly from the kids. There were so many kids that always had such great expressions, regardless of the conditions they were in. Their smiles would always be my inspiration.

Here are just a few of the smiles I captured along the way.

There’s no place like the present

Like many people, I often spend a lot of energy thinking about the past or the future. I heard a statistic the other day that most people, in fact, spend over 90% of their time worrying about the past or the future. I don’t know how they came up with that number, but I can say from personal experience it certainly feels true at times. For me these “mindless exercises” can be exaggerated when traveling given that every day is so new and unpredictable. What if all the good hostels are booked up when I get to the lake in Argentina? What if I get robbed on the bus in Bolivia? What if I don’t maximize every last minute of this trip and it’s a total waste of time? And in the meantime the most beautiful scenery in the world could be passing me by. And, in the end, there’s nothing at that moment I could do about the questions anyways. And those are a just few scenarios. I can probably write a book of internal conversations I had with myself while traveling.

There were a couple experiences, though, that continue to remind me of the importance of being in the present and quieting my mind.

The first was in Costa Rica. After I volunteered in Puerto Viejo, I decided to head down to Panama. Instead of taking a taxi or a bus to the border, I thought it would be more interesting to work my way down along the coast. The first night I decided to stay at a place called, Punta Mona, a 100 acre organic farm and educational retreat that was half way between Puerto Viejo and the border. To get there you had to take a boat in, and to get out you had to hike along the beach. You can read a bit more about my experience at Punta Mona if you click here.

After I spent the night there, I had breakfast and started on my way towards the border. The folks at Punta Mona told me I’d have to hike along a deserted beach and eventually would get to a small town where I could find a taxi to the border. I began my journey and felt like I was in the middle of nowhere. Of course, what usually accompanies being in the middle of nowhere for me are loads of nonsensical questions -- What if there really is no town down the beach where I can grab a taxi to the border? What if it’s there and I just don’t find it because…well…just because? What if there’s a Tsunami while I’m walking? What if the Lockness monster jumps out of the ocean and drags me out to sea. It’s always those last few outrageous questions that pull me out of my downward spiral. Once I recognized the absurdity of my thinking, my fears subsided, and I became aware of what was around me. No people, no houses, no sense of time. Just the sound of the ocean and the wind blowing through the jungle. And me. There was literally no one else around for miles. And it was in that stillness that I really started to notice just how beautiful it was there. How many times in my life back home had I asked for something like this? I just need to get away from everyone and everything for an hour or two – no phone calls, no blackberries, no deadlines. And now that moment had arrived. Literally. How was I going to spend it? In fear or in awe. I had a choice and I took it, if only because I probably wouldn’t have an experience like this again. Within minutes my “hike of terror” turned into one of the most peaceful hikes on my trip. And with that I lost sense of time, and before I knew it I made it to the next town along the beach.

At times like those, being in the present allowed me to appreciate my surroundings. At other times it allowed me to find answers to questions that I could have easily dismissed if I hadn’t been watching the clues around me. I found this to be true in so many places throughout my trip, but one in particular was in the desert region of Argentina.

I was on another 20 hour bus ride (fun), and the only thing I wanted to do was figure out a way to fall asleep. Of course trying to fall asleep never works for me, so I laid there thinking about what I’d do once I arrived. I had heard that renting a car was really the best way to see the desert. However, drum roll….I forgot my driver’s license back in the states. Brilliant, Ryan. So much for that option.

As I was sitting on the bus, a guy walked up and sat down next to me. I could tell right away he wanted to strike up a conversation. We exchanged a few pleasantries, and I worked my way back into a slumber position. That lasted for all but three seconds, only to be jarred awake again by a girl who then sat down to my left. Somehow I found myself in the ambassador position conversing with both of them at different times. Where are you from? To my left. Why are you traveling? To my right. And from there we all fell into the same conversation. Great. That’s the end of my opportunity for sleep. I resisted for a bit but eventually realized how futile it was and, I just surrendered. I’ll get sleep some other time, I decided to fully engage in the conversation.

We talked about one topic after the other until after an hour the guy to my right, Avishay said…”You know…I’ve been thinking of renting a car when I get to the desert but would love to have some folks to travel with. You all interested?” Bingo! And so it was. Once we arrived, we rented a car, and I ended up seeing some of the most beautiful landscapes in Argentina with two really fun and interesting people. If I had fallen asleep on the bus instead of just watching the clues around me, I probably would have had a very different experience. Surrendering and being fully present created the opportunity I was looking for. Here are a few places in the desert I ended up going because of that opportunity to travel with them. You can read more about my travels through the desert of Argentina by clicking here.

The power of giving and gratitude

I had decided a few months prior to leaving on my trip through Latin America, that I’d spend two weeks in Bolivia and Peru with a bunch of friends from San Francisco. Our friend, Naomi, had recently taken a six month sabbatical from work, raised over $111k and was using that to build sixteen houses in Bolivia with the support of Habitat for Humanity (if interested you can check out her project at http://www.buildchangewithnaomi.com/). Those houses would end up supporting 100 new homeowners who were among lower income families.

We spent our first week helping her build one of the houses in a town called Cochabamba. There were a few basic things that we were able to help out with. The first, and most critical for the family, was filling in the foundation of the home. This is often a task that the family has to do on their own without the help from the hired workers who spend the time building and constructing the house. It can take weeks, or even months, of back-breaking work to completely fill in the foundation. Our task was to help them dig up dirt and rocks near the construction site and wheel them into the two bedrooms, the bathroom, and the kitchen in order to eventually lay over the concrete flooring. It took over eight of us (along with the family) about four full days to do this, and then we spent the rest of the time mixing the cement that would be used as mortar to pour in between the bricks.

By the last day, The Director of Habitat for Humanity in Bolivia flew out from the city of Santa Cruz and performed a blessing for the house and for the family. Naomi also spoke and everyone thanked her for what an incredible job she had done organizing and believing in this project. It was the family’s turn to speak and the mother began to say a few words. She immediately started tearing up, and there was a moment of silence as she built up the courage again to speak. She thanked us for giving our time and our energy to helping them with a dream. She thanked us for using our vacation time to help people we didn’t even know and who lived so far from them. “Because of you,” she said, “We now have a home for my children to live in.” It was the most powerful moment of the day. I looked around at the faces of my friends and of the fellow Habitat members. At that moment who we were, where we were from, what languages we spoke...none of it mattered. It was the power of giving and the power of gratitude that transcended any differences we had. I know for many of us it was the most grateful moment of our trip to have been a part of.

Asking a slightly different question about my future

So, as many of you know already, I had quit my job and moved out of my apartment in San Francisco before I left on my trip. I loved the apartment, but it wasn’t possible to keep paying for it while I was gone. I was also no longer Sr. Director of Marketing at Yahoo!, and it was the first time in a very long time that I didn't have an official work title. That begged the question. How do I describe who I am or what I do? Without getting too existential here, it’s actually an interesting exercise once you start removing the layers of your life and as ask who you really are.

To my surprise (or not so much) the conversation about my profession didn’t come up a whole lot when I met other travelers. Or if it did we didn’t talk too much about each other’s professional lives. I must admit, it was a little jarring at first but a welcomed changed. So, that part of the narrative of my life, “I’m a marketer at so and so company” was no longer part of the conversation. And with that came a sense of freedom to think about what my real dreams and interests were. Would they be different or the same?

Along the way, I met a woman named Lesley who owned a hostel in Cusco, Peru. I had heard about her hostel from the guidebook and also found myself peeking in one day. We got to talking and I eventually found out about her story. Almost 20 years prior she came to Peru, from South Africa, to visit Cusco and Machu Picchu. The people had such a profound impact on her, that she came back a number of times over the next few years until finally she realized it was meant for her to just live there. She picked up her life and brought her two sons out there to start a new life. They now own a hostel, a travel agency and a very popular music venue and bar in town. That's a picture of her beautiful place up in the hills of Cusco. How did she come to do all this? She told me that she eventually realized and accepted that it was her path. And she said it to me in such a way that it chose her vs. the other way around. I was deeply impacted by what she said. She had completely changed her whole way of life to move out to Peru and follow something that was a bit unknown and unproven.

At the time I was also reading a great book called the Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. It was my third time reading it, and this time I was working my way through it in Spanish with my friend, Mr. Dictionary. In the book there’s a phrase that would always stick with me. “When you follow your personal legend, the whole universe conspires to help you achieve it.” That phrase really got me thinking. Is what my ego telling me to do matching up with what something much deeper is calling me to do? And how do I distinguish between them in the first place? I spent a good deal of time reflecting on that and imagining the things that just made me happy, fulfilled and gave me a feeling of peace. I accompanied that with a question, “If there was no way I could be unsuccessful with what I pursued, what would I do?”

It didn’t come to me immediately but I sat with that for a couple months afterwards. I’d write in my journal from time to time and reflect on how I felt about each passing thought. I remember talking to one of my friends one day about an issue he was having at work and in his personal life. And then it clicked. I had always known this to be true but had pushed it aside so many times. I loved connecting with people but not just to hear their story, but to really help them in some way. While at my past companies, I always enjoyed helping the people on my team find and develop their unique talents, helping them become better leaders, and simply helping them find ways to reduce the pain, or stress, of their daily lives. In fact, I enjoyed that as much as I did the marketing. For whatever reason, I wanted to see people follow their paths and be more successful and more fulfilled.

After a few more weeks thinking about what types of professions would fit well with that insight about myself, I landed on a profession that I had thought about before but had always dismissed. This time, without all the constraints of what I thought I should or shouldn't do, it became so clear. It was executive coaching – helping folks become better managers and leaders within an organization and also just helping them to be happier and more fulfilled in their daily lives. I decided I had to explore the coaching profession more when I got back to the States.

So, where does that leave me? Since I've been back I've decided to do two things.

First, continue with my marketing profession, simply because I love it, I know I can still add value there, and I always have fun doing it. Second, I’ve decided to apply for an executive coaching program and do it part time over the next year. Whether I become a full time executive coach, I do it on the side, or it just helps me to become a better manager, time will tell. For now, the little voice is speaking again. The good one that is.

So, what am I doing in the immediate term? I’ve decided to do freelance marketing (specifically brand strategy and product marketing) on a project basis unless the right full-time opportunity comes along that gives me the flexibility to go back to school part time. I’m excited and have already been talking to a number of companies about the possibilities. If you want to know more about what I’m thinking, or have interesting projects that you think would be a good match, just let me know.

And with that I’d like to thank you for reading about my personal reflections of the trip. I appreciate your interest and the time you took to read it. I hope you enjoyed it. These are, of course, just a few of my thoughts on the trip and on where I’m headed. I have many more that I will save for 1 on 1 conversations and maybe future blog posts.

Take care and peace to everyone,
Ryan